Sorry, I don't work here

When I started this blog, I wanted to write about everything.   No topics left unturned. I really don't know if I will be able to write about some topics.  Not because I don't want to or because I have nothing to write.   I am afraid.   Yes, afraid, and worried.   I am not afraid that I will offend someone but I am concerned that if I write things related to my profession  that I may somehow get in trouble.   I don't share info on Facebook for this very reason.        I have some very funny stuff and some other stuff that folks with a sick sense of humor would love.   Of course, I would never mention names, addresses or other confidential info and I would probably make a statement such as....the following story is based on true events that may or may not have actually happened.  The names of  people in these stories have been changed to protect myself mainly but also to protect the individuals, etc.    I might even have to change  my profession to protect my profession???? Not saying, I have a profession.   Maybe I do or maybe I don't.    It is mind boggling!     I don't want to be sued, lose my job, or have people in my profession come after me.   And they probably would want to come after me since I would not hesitate to say negative things about my profession that I may or may not have.   I think it is my right.

   

Anyway, I am going to try to tell you a story.  The events, names, places, subject matter, facts, titles, professions have all been changed to protect the profession, the people who are victims, clients, consumers,  and lastly the location has been changed to protect the location against loss of tourism, scandal, traffic jams, etc.   Oh, and the facts and events have been changed so by the end of the story,  I won't even know who or what the hell I was writing about.    That should cover my paranoia; I think.   

While working,  have you ever had one of those days where a person or non-person walks up to your desk or counter and starts asking you for assistance or a question and you really were at your breaking point and just wanted to tell them... sorry fellow I don't work here.   Yeah, admit it.  Everyone has had those days.   Well, first off let me say that in my job I may travel to other offices, buildings, locations.   I can be easily mistaken for someone who gives a shit, ( just kidding...) works there.  When I am in these places,  I really couldn't help people if they ask me for help because of legal issues, etc.   So  I really can tell someone when they ask for assistance,  sorry I don't work here.   Yeah,  I can see your face changing to a nice shade of Green right about now.   I love my job!     LOL!   

One day, I was working in a building where I am not employed and someone came up to the desk and asked me a question.   I smiled and politely and proudly said...I'm sorry but I don't work here.   Thinking that was the end of the subject.   No such luck.   The next thing I hear is... well,   you look like you work here.   My response...  I am very sorry but I don't work here.   Why don't you look down the hall and see if you see another person who looks like me but does in fact work here.  With  an ever so tiny facial wince, I say... I am sorry I can't help you but if I worked here I would.  Big mistake!  Next I hear,  So you don't work here, you look like you work here, you are sitting behind that desk and working like you work here.   My response... I know it seems that way but I assure you I am working but don't work for this company.   Wheeewwwwwwww!    I look down at my work and  forbid myself from making any eye contact if I hear another question or comment.  Then it happens... Well, can I  use that .................... Well,  I respond...  Is there no one in this place that is employed here?  Where the hell are all of the employees?  Here I sit trying to do MY JOB and I can not do it because there are no employees manning the damn desk!  I didn't really say that to that person but thought it.   Then I get up  and walk up and down the damn hall trying to find someone to assist this person.   Finally, I find an actual employee who actually works at the place and tell them to please help this person.  They assure me they will take care of it.   Awwwwwwwwwwww... yes,  finally I can do my job and get the hell out of here.      Back to the desk I go, sit down open my work and OMG... This is what I hear.... Hello,  I am here to.______can you tell me how to get there?   Oh, please no.   I grab my security badge, turn it to hide my name then look up at the person and say... I'm sorry, I don't work here but the person who does is down the hall and they will be happy to assist you.    Their response.... Hmmm, well can you call them for me. My response...  No, I don't work here so I can't do that.  Their response...Gee, you sure look like you work here.   My response...Yes, I do but I don't and am sorry for not being able to help you but I must finish my work here.   Their response.... Well, if you don't work here why are you doing work here?   My response.... My company sends me here.    Then I look down at my paperwork and can feel my face is burning hot.    I begin to think about changing my location so no one will be able to mistake me for an employee but there is no where to hide, no where  I can do my work other than going to the john.  And doing  that is just plain nasty!   Finally,  the room is quiet and calm and I am making progress on my work.  I am focused  and determined to finish my work in 15 minutes and leave when I hear  the faintest voice say... excuse me.    I look up, my nose is inches from a hand holding a Styrofoam coffee cup and the lady holding that cup finishes her request....Honey, would you be so kind and get me another cup of coffee?   My head begins to spin like Linda Blair in the Exorcist. 

No, I am not going to yell or spit at this person, I am looking for the damn coffee machine so I can fill her damn cup.  After spinning my head a few times, I notice there is no fresh coffee aroma infusing the air and I don't see a coffee pot.  So I say to the lady in my kindest, sweetest, caring, gentle voice..., ma'am,  I would love to get you a cup of coffee but I don't know where they keep the pot.   Silence fills the air but not for long.  It was as if the demons that tormented Linda Blair in the Exorcist had taken possession of this elderly lady and  from her mouth I could hear this loud,  gurgly, raspy voice saying.... WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE THE POT IS?   YOU WORK HERE; YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHERE IT IS!   I ask her if she knows where it is.   And  she says... how am I supposed to know where the thing is, I don't work here.  I said.... Well ma'am, actually I don't work here either.   Then she says.....Well, you should have told me that in the first place!    By this time, her shriveled hand had dropped the coffee cup and she and the demon within her shrunk from my sight as they walked from the desk.  

As I was frantically shoving my work into my briefcase,  I heard another sweet voice say.. hello there,  Ms Futterbucket, would you like me to get you some nice hot coffee?   OMG,  Where the hell was this employee hiding???   I didn't finish my work despite being there for what seemed to be hours and felt as if I should have been paid by the place where I didn't work for actually sitting at their desk trying to help people.                              

I don't get caught up in this trap anymore.  Now, when I work in a place where I am not actually employed  and  someone asks for assistance,  I play deaf.